Helping Harvard Business School Develop Their New Course on Risk
Many of us in-house types work for business types who have gotten their MBA’s at Harvard, Wharton and similar business schools. A short time ago I did a blog on how these schools were attempting to improve their tarnished image by doing such creative things as instituting a course on risk—very creative.
We lawyers need to keep up with these developments so we can better serve our clients. Last night I was watching the rerun of Fox Business News “HAPPY HOUR” and they interviewed a venture capitalist who was looking for government guaranteed loans for his portfolio of companies because he said no one would lend them money. Needless to say the two FBN anchors who interviewed him where more than bit skeptical of his claim that this was not a request for a taxpayer bailout. Listening to the discussion it became clear to me that there were a set of rules here that the Dean of Harvard and other business schools should be developing in the course on risk management. We lawyers will be ahead of the game and help them build their arguments.
Rule #1 Never Admit That Your Business Venture Was Risky.
Even if you are a venture capitalist always claim that the businesses that you funded were not speculative, and that their present state of distress was due to forces beyond their control. You know the stick—it was the economy, the weather, the gods, but never admit there was ever any risk involved.
Rule # 2 Never Ask for Government Money Always Ask For Government Loans or Guarantees.
By putting your request in this format you are able to deny that you are asking for any money from the taxpayers. NO, NO you repeat with authority—we are not asking for any money from the taxpayer.
Rule # 3 Always Claim that Your Motive Is Altruism.
The idea for this came to you because you saw the great benefit to the economy. For example, you note that your start-up who has burnt through 10 million in capital (your clients’ unfortunately) and has 200 employees, now is ready to grow to 800 employees (and burn through 40 million in capital), but the economy’s present state (not their flawed business model) has resulted in no one being willing to give them any money.
Rule # 4 Point Out How Helping Your Portfolio Is Going To Earn Money For The Taxpayer.
If you have no examples to make your point use the first Chrysler bailout and hint Lee Iacocca may be coming out of retirement.
Rule # 5 Avoid Being Asked Why They Don’t Just Stay At The Present Size and Use Their Earnings To Grow More Slowly.
Making your earphone fall out of your ear or claiming that there is a bad audio connection is the best way to deal with this question—if you there in person cough or feign a heart attack; don’t worry Harvard, Wharton and Stanford are collaborating on a course that address earnings; they just got delayed because of the effort they put into the courses on stock options.
If none of these work refer the matter to your lawyer and he or she will say something no one will understand—remember they drafted those toxic instruments.
